Our daughter's were ages 6 years and 9 years old at the time our son's problems started. They loved their "big brother" and could not understand the change in his behavior. He had become distant and irritable, and did not want to bother with his sisters anymore. He refused to keep his curfew, and basically told us that he would come home when he felt like it. We grounded him, then he started leaving the house by going out of the window. I sat up until all hours of the night waiting for him to come home. Many years later, the girls expressed anger towards me. They felt they did not get "their needs" met because I spent so much time trying to "fix" our son. It was years later before I learned that when one member of the family is ill, it effects the entire family, and is very disruptive. It makes perfect sense to me now, the family is out of balance. Unfortunately, I was not so introspective, or knowledgeable at the time.
Lee and I tried everything to turn our son around, to no avail. He didn't care about what we wanted, or what anyone else wanted, except for his so so called "friends." I would stay up until midnight or later trying to talk to him and explain why we were so concerned about him, and why he had rules to live by. I might have just as well talked to the walls, but I was desperate and I wanted my son back. I felt driven to do something, anything, to help our son to come back to the family. I must be honest here and say that Lee and I were not on the same wave length with our son. Lee insinuated that I was making the problems bigger than they actually were. I felt alone, I felt like I was the cause of our son's behavior problems. After all, my family of origin was certainly dysfunctional with a long line of addicted personalities. Years later while Lee and I were participating in a Marriage Encounter weekend, we talked, and talked, about many things we had never discussed before. It was very emotional for Lee as we recounted that chapter of our life and how painful it was for all of us. A sentinel event occurred one morning shortly after our son had left for school. The school nurse called to say that he had admitted to ingesting 5 Valium pills earlier that morning. The valium tablets were 5 mg. each for a total of 25 mg. The normal dosage is usually 5 mg., therefore you can imagine that he was quite medicated, and stuporous. Luckily, he was 6 ft. tall and weighed about 140, or the results could have been even more disasterous. I picked him up at the school and I had to stimulate him constantly to keep him awake. I called Lee home from the hospital immediately. He was very angry with our son, but did not suggest that we take him to the hospital. We could take care of it ourselves, all we had to do was to keep stimulating him until the Valium wore off. I insisted that we take him to the hospital, and when I make up my mind, I am like a "dog with a bone."Lee complied with my wishes, however he was not in agreement with them and we took our son to Walter Reed Medical Center Emergency Room, where they quickly shunted him to Pediatrics. He was 15 years old at the time. The physician spoke with us, he had already examined and talked with our son. He did not really see any reason for further treatment, because he felt that our son had just experimented this one time. I am compelled to tell you here that our son was a master of deception, and he had "hoodwinked" yet another professional. I was not going to be disuaded and made my wishes known. Both our son and Lee were not happy with me, but as a result of this conversation, we scheduled an appointment with Family Therapy. At first we were scheduled for therapy 3 times per week. One appointment for all 3 of us, another appointment for our son alone, and the third appointment for Lee and I alone. I was the only person who really participated in those therapy sessions. I was very open and honest, but it was like "swimming up stream" for me. Lee had very little to say in therapy, and it seemed to become the focus of the Psychiatrist to prod, poke and ignite Lee's anger, in order to elicit some type of feedback from him. It did not work, and Lee really resented the Psychiatrist's tactics. Once again I felt so alone and unsupported. There were times when I felt like I would lose my mind. There were days when I felt like my family would be much better off without me. I started to drink to medicate myself and ease the pain. These were all my unspoken thoughts at the time. I really did not have a confident who I could talk with. After approximately one year our Psychiatrist proclaimed that our son was just a "normal" teenager. I was shocked, dismayed, and disappointed. It was appalling to me that I seemed to be the only person who gave witness to the devious and delinquent behaviors that our son exhibited. When he was a sophomore in high school we were asked to remove him from school OR the school would expel him. Being expelled would be worse for his records they said, so we complied with the administration and removed him. He obtained his GED at a later time, this for a young man who wanted to attend Annapolis at one time. Our son was a very intelligent young man, he had so many aspirations and plans for his future. He was an honor student, and tutored other students who needed assistance. The reason for removing him the school told us was because he was always "high" or "stoned." This was heart breaking for me, I could not believe the way our son had changed. It was like I didn't even know him anymore. Many, many tears were shed over the years as I continued to try and get him to turn his life around. He said he was perfectly happy with his life the way it was, he was fine, it was my problem, he did not have a problem. Lee was still on active duty in the Army, and many times after a big quarrel we would have to make an appearance at a reception, or party. Those events were absolutely joy less for me, but I could plaster a smile on my face for a short time. None of our friends realized what was happening in our household, we were all such good actors in our family. My early life as a child in a dysfunctional family had prepared me well to keep secrets. Around 1976 Lee received orders for Germany which were quickly rescinded after he explained our situation to his commander. It was very disappointing as we had always hoped that we would be able to travel to Europe. It would have been impossible to even consider such a move at this time. Our son was only 16 years old and still heavily involved with drugs. We insisted that he do things with the family, even if it was just going out to dinner. It was not pleasant for any of us though, because he would rush through his dinner and then sit there and pout until we finished, and left the restaurant. He just became more and more distant and disengaged from us, and with life in general. About that time we found out that our biggest nightmare was true, our son was using Heroin. One Saturday morning, I found our son laying on our front porch, it was quite cold outdoors, and he was sleeping on the cold cement. Thank God Lee was at home, it took both of us to get him in the house related to his drugged condition. We stayed with him the entire day, making sure that he was responsive, and of course, the likelihood of him vomiting and aspirating into his lungs was high, so that was another reason for us to be vigilant. I don't remember much conversation between Lee and I that day. Our relationship then and now was worlds apart. We were definitely not in agreement as to the path of treatment we should seek for our son. I think I was still the only one who felt that we needed to do something, and do it quickly.
Keep in mind that we all still attended therapy sessions twice a week. At this time it was suggested that our son be admitted to an inpatient treatment facility. He was in the program for several months, however he really did not participate. He was not interested in rehabilitation, he did not have a problem. It was us, Lee and I, who had the problem. In reality, Lee, myself, and our son were each on our separate little islands. Lee was in denial in a major way. He told me at the time that I was always looking for things to find fault with our son. At that time, I felt so alone and unsupported. This was a very dark time in our marriage. Lee and I began to argue frequently when he was at home. He worked 2 jobs, and at that time I stayed home and took care of the children and household responsibilities. I was usually always alone when something bad happened with our son. Therefore, I was left to my own devices to try and handle the problem As I sit here and try to recall the events of that dark period of our lives, it seems like it all happened in another life, another time so long ago
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
"our move to Wash. D.C. and the beginning of the 20 year loss of our son"
I have delayed long enough to attempt to continue this trying period of our lives.
Our son was an excellent student, albeit difficult for him each time we moved to a different assignment. He was entering puberty and consequently was experiencing many changes, emotionally and physically. He was 6 ft. tall which was taller than most of his friends at that time. However, his emotions had not caught up with his height. At the age of 14 he started to leave the house at night to meet up with his friends who did not have a curfew. Lee and I were not aware of this however for quite a while. Actually, Remembering back, I think it was several months before we found out. The layout of the house was a split level, so that our son had his bedroom downstairs and the girls and Lee and I were on the second level. There was a door downstairs which made his exits very smooth without us hearing him leave. One night Lee went down to talk to our son about 10 PM, it was a school night so he should have been in his room. However, he was not in his room and we were incredulous. We started to check with the neighbors and after only a few minutes we found him. He was at one of the neighbors who had 2 teenage girls a few years older than our son. This particular house appeared to be a meeting place for several teenagers who were not really concerned with school, but rather they were engaged in other activities. One of these activities was smoking pot and staying up until all hours of the night. Up to this point we had never had any serious problems with our son. His grades however had started to slide and we were concerned about it and tried to talk to him about it. At that time he had also been tutoring other students, but his interest started to decline. He became distant and was no longer interested in family activities. He refused to keep his curfew and would tell me "I will not be here, so don't bother waiting for me." At this time it seemed like I was always alone to handle these problems. Lee worked a second job and therefore was absent a lot when significant events happened. I tried to talk to Lee about our son's problems, but he was in denial. He would tell me "you are always looking for something." It was around this time that a family member visited us and knew that our son was leaving the house at night. However, she chose not to inform us for reasons of her own. It was actually several years after these events before she informed us of her knowledge of his leaving the house and staying out all hours of the night. This was and remains for me a very painful disclosure. For me, there would have been no doubt that I would inform the parents of any inappropriate or harmful behavior. In fact, I have done that very thing on several different occasions to protect the child's welfare.
It was in the spring of 1975 the school called to say that our son had ingested 25 mg of Valium and was quite incapacitated. I immediately went to the school to bring our son home, and subsequently to the hospital. He had obtained the Valium from our medicine cabinet at home. Lee was at work when I called him and met me at the hospital. The physician who saw our son thought that it was an isolated incident and we should not worry about it. However, I persisted verbalizing my concern because I felt that we should be engaged in some sort of therapy with our son. The therapy was helpful to me. Lee and our son went through the motions to please me, I am assuming. Our son simply pulled the wool over the psychiatrists eyes. Actually, the psychiatrist told us that our son was just a normal teenager, and he would out grow this behavior. A few weeks later, after receiving phone calls all hours of the night, and unsavory characters coming to our home, it was evident that our son was selling drugs. I called the psychiatrist and asked him "is this what you consider normal teen age behavior?" He admitted that he had been "hood-winked!" Lee and I were devastated and did not know where to turn for help. We did continue with therapy for another year, but it really was not helpful. In order for therapy to help the participants have to want to be there. Lee and our son did not want to be there, they were only there physically. Remember, that this was 1975, and therapy was not something that most people wanted to participate in. You definitely did not want this information written on paper in your personal file.
I have struggled with recalling this time period of my life and the events which occurred. A curtain of sadness has been drawn over me as I relive this period of my life. It is actually much more difficult than I expected it to be. I will fill in the rest of the blanks soon , I promise.
Our son was an excellent student, albeit difficult for him each time we moved to a different assignment. He was entering puberty and consequently was experiencing many changes, emotionally and physically. He was 6 ft. tall which was taller than most of his friends at that time. However, his emotions had not caught up with his height. At the age of 14 he started to leave the house at night to meet up with his friends who did not have a curfew. Lee and I were not aware of this however for quite a while. Actually, Remembering back, I think it was several months before we found out. The layout of the house was a split level, so that our son had his bedroom downstairs and the girls and Lee and I were on the second level. There was a door downstairs which made his exits very smooth without us hearing him leave. One night Lee went down to talk to our son about 10 PM, it was a school night so he should have been in his room. However, he was not in his room and we were incredulous. We started to check with the neighbors and after only a few minutes we found him. He was at one of the neighbors who had 2 teenage girls a few years older than our son. This particular house appeared to be a meeting place for several teenagers who were not really concerned with school, but rather they were engaged in other activities. One of these activities was smoking pot and staying up until all hours of the night. Up to this point we had never had any serious problems with our son. His grades however had started to slide and we were concerned about it and tried to talk to him about it. At that time he had also been tutoring other students, but his interest started to decline. He became distant and was no longer interested in family activities. He refused to keep his curfew and would tell me "I will not be here, so don't bother waiting for me." At this time it seemed like I was always alone to handle these problems. Lee worked a second job and therefore was absent a lot when significant events happened. I tried to talk to Lee about our son's problems, but he was in denial. He would tell me "you are always looking for something." It was around this time that a family member visited us and knew that our son was leaving the house at night. However, she chose not to inform us for reasons of her own. It was actually several years after these events before she informed us of her knowledge of his leaving the house and staying out all hours of the night. This was and remains for me a very painful disclosure. For me, there would have been no doubt that I would inform the parents of any inappropriate or harmful behavior. In fact, I have done that very thing on several different occasions to protect the child's welfare.
It was in the spring of 1975 the school called to say that our son had ingested 25 mg of Valium and was quite incapacitated. I immediately went to the school to bring our son home, and subsequently to the hospital. He had obtained the Valium from our medicine cabinet at home. Lee was at work when I called him and met me at the hospital. The physician who saw our son thought that it was an isolated incident and we should not worry about it. However, I persisted verbalizing my concern because I felt that we should be engaged in some sort of therapy with our son. The therapy was helpful to me. Lee and our son went through the motions to please me, I am assuming. Our son simply pulled the wool over the psychiatrists eyes. Actually, the psychiatrist told us that our son was just a normal teenager, and he would out grow this behavior. A few weeks later, after receiving phone calls all hours of the night, and unsavory characters coming to our home, it was evident that our son was selling drugs. I called the psychiatrist and asked him "is this what you consider normal teen age behavior?" He admitted that he had been "hood-winked!" Lee and I were devastated and did not know where to turn for help. We did continue with therapy for another year, but it really was not helpful. In order for therapy to help the participants have to want to be there. Lee and our son did not want to be there, they were only there physically. Remember, that this was 1975, and therapy was not something that most people wanted to participate in. You definitely did not want this information written on paper in your personal file.
I have struggled with recalling this time period of my life and the events which occurred. A curtain of sadness has been drawn over me as I relive this period of my life. It is actually much more difficult than I expected it to be. I will fill in the rest of the blanks soon , I promise.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
"A day in the life"
To all my blog readers,
Today was a really wonderful day for me, not because anything special happened, it is just the way I feel inside. It is a feeling which is difficult to describe, a feeling that all is right with the world. It is also an emotional time for me as well, I may become weepy just watching my grandchildren play, or when they say something which really touches my heart. Everything is a wonder to me now. Recently. our daughter told us she felt the baby move for the first time that day, it was very special that she shared that with us, and also very emotional for both Lee and I. It seems like just a short time ago our children were young and Lee and I were struggling to make ends meet. Now we have lived over three quarters of our lives, and starting to have some health issues. The years have passed by like a sudden windstorm and our lives have been fast forwarded. Where have the years gone? When we are young, we yearn to be older, then all of a sudden we are older and cannot understand how it happened. Seemingly in the blink of an eye, the years move swiftly by, unnoticed. One would think that this is rich and valuable information for our young people today. However, many will make the same mistakes that their parents and grand parents made. They all rush, rush, rush to make a living, instead of just living!! Enjoy one another, savor each day, look around and appreciate the beauty of this country we live in, the freedom we enjoy, and thank God for every single day of your life.
Sometimes, I question my life, "Why have I been given so much? Why am I filled with happiness and gratitude? Part of the answer is that I love and accept myself now. I have forgiven myself for all of the mistakes I have made in my life. This need to be perfect that many of us seem to strive for. Women especially, seem to think that they have to be the be all end all to everyone they interact with, "super moms", super wives" Why? We are human beings with human frailties and consequently we do error at times. I have beaten myself up because I think I could have been a better mother. In retrospect I would have done things differently. Hindsight is a great thing. My role models growing up did not practice methods which I agreed with, corporeal punishment, guilty as charged. Looking back I was 19 years old when I had our first child, with no real tools to help me. The one thing I did have was Love and that is where I began.
Now Lee and I are on the last leg of our trip through the beautiful Northwest. It was Lee's idea that we travel up north for cooler climate to try to improve my health. I have a Chronic Neurological Disease which is worse in the high temperatures of Arizona. It was not something that I had even considered or thought about. My husband is a very unselfish man. It is one of the many reasons why I love him so much. As far as he is concerned "it is no big deal" The man has driven close to 6000 miles so far. If I look at the map and say "gee that looks like a beautiful place" or "lets see what is on the other side of this island" Lee points our vehicle in that direction. It has been a magical trip in many ways. We could do whatever we wanted when we wanted. It has been good for me in the north country, I do feel better and seem to have a little more energy.
Lee and I have been married for 50 years, but age is a relative thing. Yes, of course chronologically we are old enough to be married 50 years, but we don't think at that level yet. This trip in actuality is our umpteenth "honeymoon." Sometimes we act like kids again. After all it is just the two of us, nobody else witnesses how "goofy" we can be together. At our age the inhibitions gotta go too. I mean come on "whats to hide at this age." Both of us are still kind of "touchy feely kind of people. Just with each other, and/ or the kids and grandshildren. Who doesn't like to be touched? Did you know that they hire woman for the Neonatal ICU for the sole purpose of holding and stimulating the premature infants? Studies have shown that the infants will not thrive and grow if they do not receive tactile stimulation?
Lee and I still hold hands which would be a difficult habit to break, since we started it in 1958. Some people consider this a corny and high school type behavior thing to do. It works for us. I have to say though that it never ceases to amaze me how some couples still have so many walls up. I was having lunch with a friend one day and I had asked her how her husband was doing? At that time they had been married over 30 years. She told me that she was very unhappy with their sex life. I said have you told Bill how you feel? She almost choked on her sandwich. She said "I can't tell him that." Well, you are telling me, I countered! Talk to each other. PLEASE!!
When I was getting the RV ready to leave I selected about 25 musical CDS to play on our journey. We have played one CD so far, and that one not to completion. The reason for that is that we talk. We talk about our kids, our grandchildren, what we want to do when we get back home, future trips we may be thinking about. AND, we laugh. We can laugh at the most simple things and sometimes just get so silly that we cannot stop laughing!I can honestly say that we love being together and enjoy each others company. One of the main reason's for this is that we are still "in love" with each other. We still do things for each other that for many couples fall by the wayside after their marriage vows. Lee still opens the car door for me and opens store doors, and thinks nothing of it. We both wait on each other at home. If Lee cooks the meal, I cleanup, and vice verse. Probably, the caregiver in each of us helps, because we do "take care" of each other. I know instinctively if something is going on with Lee, and he with me. A day never passes that we don't tell each other "I love You!" Actually, many times every day this is spoken. It also does not hurt that "I am still the "clown," and I am still very "spontaneous!" If I feel like giving him a kiss I do it, he has NEVER pulled away. In fact he loves it! Believe me, I do not profess to know everything about marriage. However, I can share what has worked for us, and believe me over the years many people have asked me how they can achieve what Lee and I share. Many couples hunger for a good marriage and are searching for answers. This is my belief, and this is what I see.
I feel so blessed to have had so many wonderful experiences in my life. The military was difficult at times, but it provided us with so-o many beautiful places to visit. Our family lived in Germany for 4 years and visited so-o many countries, and enjoyed the customs and culture of each place we visited. Many special people have been in my life, people who believed in me and helped me to believe in myself. These people helped me immensely, some are gone now, but I will always treasure them.
I have found peace in my life, a peace I have searched for most of my life. It doesn't take much to make me happy now. Years ago I had a lot of anger and a very short fuse. With the assistance of a very learned and erudite psychologist in Maine I have worked through all of that "stuff." She has assisted me in maneuvering through the very dark chasms of my life. There were incidents in my life that I had never discussed with anyone, not even Lee, and I tell him everything. I feel very fortunate indeed to have found such an experienced individual to work with. We just seemed to click and I trust her implicitly. Believe me I did not trust many people at that time. I have a incredible life partner who has made me happier than I ever thought possible. We have 3 wonderful children whom we love and who love us. AND we have 4 beautiful grandchildren and anxiously awaiting a new one in January. I live for my family and love being involved with the grand kids and their projects. I want our grandchildren to know that they are loved and that they are very important to us. Sometimes I think we lose sight of what is important in life. Believe me it is not "accumulating things!" Our grandchildren have helped me to keep reassessing what is important and necessary in my life. When I look into the eyes of our 6 year old granddaughter I see a wonderful little girl who is happy and carefree, and who loves her family and extended family. She loves it when her cousins all get together at our house and has told me many times, "I love my family." Usually, I try to have some activities planned for the kids when they all come to the house. One of the things they absolutely love is making their own pizza. We have several different kinds of veggies, cheeses and pepperoni and they can just go at it any way they wish. Sometimes after every one has left except my daughter and her 2 little ones, I'll ask Olivia who is 6 , "what did you enjoy the most?" She will think and think, and then reply "I loved everything the best. "Children know what is important to them. They love it when Lee and I do anything with them. Sometimes we take them to Home Depot or Lowe's to get flowers and then we let them plant the flowers themselves. It is fun for us just to watch how enthusiastic they are. Sometimes I will get down on the floor with them, or play "hide and seek"." I can become very uninhibited with the "grand-kids." I sing and dance with them and even crawl through those "maze" like apparatus they have. As you can tell I am crazy about my grandchildren. They are a "gift" from God. Being a grandmother is a privilege. One that I take very seriously. They have changed my life in so many ways and I am eternally grateful to them. Now I know what is important in my life. We have a 2 yr. old grandson Ben who I call my "Velcro" child. Before we went away on our trip he called me "meemaw," when we returned he now calls me "g-maw." We are making progress folks!!
My wish for all of you is that you will find peace and happiness in your life. Pick your arguments, and try to find the good in people. For those of you who are married and somewhat disenchanted with your marriage. Remember what it was that initially attracted you to your husband or partner. Sometimes, the very attribute that you loved about your guy will be the exact same habit that "drives you crazy" now. Talk about it, tell your husband how you feel and what you like and do not like. It sounds tough, but believe me it is not. Just start talking . Make sure you have some quiet time without children and just devote it to each other. Rekindle those feelings and put romance in your life. Just because you are married doesn't mean that you can't have romance in your marriage. It is fun and essential to a good relationship.
Watch for my new blog.
Carol
Today was a really wonderful day for me, not because anything special happened, it is just the way I feel inside. It is a feeling which is difficult to describe, a feeling that all is right with the world. It is also an emotional time for me as well, I may become weepy just watching my grandchildren play, or when they say something which really touches my heart. Everything is a wonder to me now. Recently. our daughter told us she felt the baby move for the first time that day, it was very special that she shared that with us, and also very emotional for both Lee and I. It seems like just a short time ago our children were young and Lee and I were struggling to make ends meet. Now we have lived over three quarters of our lives, and starting to have some health issues. The years have passed by like a sudden windstorm and our lives have been fast forwarded. Where have the years gone? When we are young, we yearn to be older, then all of a sudden we are older and cannot understand how it happened. Seemingly in the blink of an eye, the years move swiftly by, unnoticed. One would think that this is rich and valuable information for our young people today. However, many will make the same mistakes that their parents and grand parents made. They all rush, rush, rush to make a living, instead of just living!! Enjoy one another, savor each day, look around and appreciate the beauty of this country we live in, the freedom we enjoy, and thank God for every single day of your life.
Sometimes, I question my life, "Why have I been given so much? Why am I filled with happiness and gratitude? Part of the answer is that I love and accept myself now. I have forgiven myself for all of the mistakes I have made in my life. This need to be perfect that many of us seem to strive for. Women especially, seem to think that they have to be the be all end all to everyone they interact with, "super moms", super wives" Why? We are human beings with human frailties and consequently we do error at times. I have beaten myself up because I think I could have been a better mother. In retrospect I would have done things differently. Hindsight is a great thing. My role models growing up did not practice methods which I agreed with, corporeal punishment, guilty as charged. Looking back I was 19 years old when I had our first child, with no real tools to help me. The one thing I did have was Love and that is where I began.
Now Lee and I are on the last leg of our trip through the beautiful Northwest. It was Lee's idea that we travel up north for cooler climate to try to improve my health. I have a Chronic Neurological Disease which is worse in the high temperatures of Arizona. It was not something that I had even considered or thought about. My husband is a very unselfish man. It is one of the many reasons why I love him so much. As far as he is concerned "it is no big deal" The man has driven close to 6000 miles so far. If I look at the map and say "gee that looks like a beautiful place" or "lets see what is on the other side of this island" Lee points our vehicle in that direction. It has been a magical trip in many ways. We could do whatever we wanted when we wanted. It has been good for me in the north country, I do feel better and seem to have a little more energy.
Lee and I have been married for 50 years, but age is a relative thing. Yes, of course chronologically we are old enough to be married 50 years, but we don't think at that level yet. This trip in actuality is our umpteenth "honeymoon." Sometimes we act like kids again. After all it is just the two of us, nobody else witnesses how "goofy" we can be together. At our age the inhibitions gotta go too. I mean come on "whats to hide at this age." Both of us are still kind of "touchy feely kind of people. Just with each other, and/ or the kids and grandshildren. Who doesn't like to be touched? Did you know that they hire woman for the Neonatal ICU for the sole purpose of holding and stimulating the premature infants? Studies have shown that the infants will not thrive and grow if they do not receive tactile stimulation?
Lee and I still hold hands which would be a difficult habit to break, since we started it in 1958. Some people consider this a corny and high school type behavior thing to do. It works for us. I have to say though that it never ceases to amaze me how some couples still have so many walls up. I was having lunch with a friend one day and I had asked her how her husband was doing? At that time they had been married over 30 years. She told me that she was very unhappy with their sex life. I said have you told Bill how you feel? She almost choked on her sandwich. She said "I can't tell him that." Well, you are telling me, I countered! Talk to each other. PLEASE!!
When I was getting the RV ready to leave I selected about 25 musical CDS to play on our journey. We have played one CD so far, and that one not to completion. The reason for that is that we talk. We talk about our kids, our grandchildren, what we want to do when we get back home, future trips we may be thinking about. AND, we laugh. We can laugh at the most simple things and sometimes just get so silly that we cannot stop laughing!I can honestly say that we love being together and enjoy each others company. One of the main reason's for this is that we are still "in love" with each other. We still do things for each other that for many couples fall by the wayside after their marriage vows. Lee still opens the car door for me and opens store doors, and thinks nothing of it. We both wait on each other at home. If Lee cooks the meal, I cleanup, and vice verse. Probably, the caregiver in each of us helps, because we do "take care" of each other. I know instinctively if something is going on with Lee, and he with me. A day never passes that we don't tell each other "I love You!" Actually, many times every day this is spoken. It also does not hurt that "I am still the "clown," and I am still very "spontaneous!" If I feel like giving him a kiss I do it, he has NEVER pulled away. In fact he loves it! Believe me, I do not profess to know everything about marriage. However, I can share what has worked for us, and believe me over the years many people have asked me how they can achieve what Lee and I share. Many couples hunger for a good marriage and are searching for answers. This is my belief, and this is what I see.
I feel so blessed to have had so many wonderful experiences in my life. The military was difficult at times, but it provided us with so-o many beautiful places to visit. Our family lived in Germany for 4 years and visited so-o many countries, and enjoyed the customs and culture of each place we visited. Many special people have been in my life, people who believed in me and helped me to believe in myself. These people helped me immensely, some are gone now, but I will always treasure them.
I have found peace in my life, a peace I have searched for most of my life. It doesn't take much to make me happy now. Years ago I had a lot of anger and a very short fuse. With the assistance of a very learned and erudite psychologist in Maine I have worked through all of that "stuff." She has assisted me in maneuvering through the very dark chasms of my life. There were incidents in my life that I had never discussed with anyone, not even Lee, and I tell him everything. I feel very fortunate indeed to have found such an experienced individual to work with. We just seemed to click and I trust her implicitly. Believe me I did not trust many people at that time. I have a incredible life partner who has made me happier than I ever thought possible. We have 3 wonderful children whom we love and who love us. AND we have 4 beautiful grandchildren and anxiously awaiting a new one in January. I live for my family and love being involved with the grand kids and their projects. I want our grandchildren to know that they are loved and that they are very important to us. Sometimes I think we lose sight of what is important in life. Believe me it is not "accumulating things!" Our grandchildren have helped me to keep reassessing what is important and necessary in my life. When I look into the eyes of our 6 year old granddaughter I see a wonderful little girl who is happy and carefree, and who loves her family and extended family. She loves it when her cousins all get together at our house and has told me many times, "I love my family." Usually, I try to have some activities planned for the kids when they all come to the house. One of the things they absolutely love is making their own pizza. We have several different kinds of veggies, cheeses and pepperoni and they can just go at it any way they wish. Sometimes after every one has left except my daughter and her 2 little ones, I'll ask Olivia who is 6 , "what did you enjoy the most?" She will think and think, and then reply "I loved everything the best. "Children know what is important to them. They love it when Lee and I do anything with them. Sometimes we take them to Home Depot or Lowe's to get flowers and then we let them plant the flowers themselves. It is fun for us just to watch how enthusiastic they are. Sometimes I will get down on the floor with them, or play "hide and seek"." I can become very uninhibited with the "grand-kids." I sing and dance with them and even crawl through those "maze" like apparatus they have. As you can tell I am crazy about my grandchildren. They are a "gift" from God. Being a grandmother is a privilege. One that I take very seriously. They have changed my life in so many ways and I am eternally grateful to them. Now I know what is important in my life. We have a 2 yr. old grandson Ben who I call my "Velcro" child. Before we went away on our trip he called me "meemaw," when we returned he now calls me "g-maw." We are making progress folks!!
My wish for all of you is that you will find peace and happiness in your life. Pick your arguments, and try to find the good in people. For those of you who are married and somewhat disenchanted with your marriage. Remember what it was that initially attracted you to your husband or partner. Sometimes, the very attribute that you loved about your guy will be the exact same habit that "drives you crazy" now. Talk about it, tell your husband how you feel and what you like and do not like. It sounds tough, but believe me it is not. Just start talking . Make sure you have some quiet time without children and just devote it to each other. Rekindle those feelings and put romance in your life. Just because you are married doesn't mean that you can't have romance in your marriage. It is fun and essential to a good relationship.
Watch for my new blog.
Carol
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Our move to Wash. DC and the beginning of the 20 year loss of our son
In the summer of 1973 we once again moved, this time to the Wash. D.C. area. Lee's assignment to Walter Reed Army Hospital was considered a plum job. It was considered a gateway to bigger and better assignments and faster promotions. In retrospect, it was also a panacea for a teenage boy who had never been exposed to drugs before. Never before had Lee been assigned to a post near such a large city with so much temptation available.
On our way to our assignment we decided to stop in Oxen Hill, Maryland to meet one of Lee's cousins. Lee had not seen her in many years and I had never met her. Her husband was also a military man assigned to the Pentagon in DC. Lee's cousin had twin boys who were 17 and a daughter the same age as our son. We parked our trailer in their yard and actually stayed put for at least 2 wks. At that time we found a camping space near to the house that we had purchased. It was a lovely experience with Lee's family. They were gracious hosts, and we were so very grateful to have been able to park our trailer there for so long. Plus the added bonus of getting to know another family member.
Buying our first house was a real eye opener for us, and the DC area was known to have much higher prices than other areas. We looked at several houses, some were just plain out of our price range. Remember now, this was 1973 and Lee's salary as a Captain was $14,000 per year, and I did not work away from the house. The house we put a contract on was $41,000.00. We all loved the house. It had a kitchen, living room, 3 bedrooms, and a full bathroom upstairs. It was a split level and downstairs it had a family room, 2 bedrooms, a laundry room, and another full bathroom. Finally, after what seemed an eternity we received the call that the couple had accepted our contract and our loan was approved. We were all elated. Then the day that we went to closing and signed what seemed like reams and reams of papers the reality set in. That night when Lee and I were talking I cried. "How are we ever going to make those payments every month, $398!" Wow!! in retrospect that payment was nothing compared to the house payments we have had since.
The weekend before we moved into the house we had gone camping at a place in southern Maryland called "Solomon's Island." It was run by the US Navy and a great place to spend the weekends. One weekend we caught 500 blue crabs. It was great fun and the kids loved it as well as Lee and I. This particular weekend there happened to be several guys who were also stationed at Walter Reed and their families. It was a fun weekend and the kids were of similar ages and got along well with each other. There was all kinds of play equipment, some which was kind of rough and tumble for our youngest daughter who was 4 years old at the time. After we arrived home from the weekend, I was giving our youngest a bath when I noticed several large bruises on different parts of her body. I thought boy! they must have really been bouncing her around for her to be so bruised.As the days went on, more and more bruising appeared on her body. She seemed to bruise on areas that were stressed with normal everyday living, such as her cheek bones and shoulder blades. Once again I called on my "merck manual" for some assistance. An ominous feeling came over me as I paged through the manual. Since we were new to the area I called The Walter Reed Clinic for some guidance. They gave me an appointment for a month away. I said "my daughter is very sick and she cannot wait a month to be seen.
Lee was working 3-11 evening shift at the time. When he came home I told him what I thought was happening to our daughter and that she had to be seen as quickly as possible. From my reading I deduced that she had leukemia or some serious form of anemia. Lee was never one to ask favors of the doctors, he felt that we should wait our turn like everyone else. So, of course we disagreed about the situation and the discussion became quite heated. I honestly was afraid. Our daughter did not have any other symptoms except maybe lethargy and she was sleeping more than normal for her also. The discussion ended when I told Lee emphatically "You better talk to someone today and get her in the clinic to be seen. If not I will bring her in myself and I will raise hell until she is seen!" Lee literally grabbed a Pediatric resident and explained our daughter's condition. Almost immediately Lee called me, they wanted to examine her as soon as possible. The Colonel who was in charge of the Hematology Clinic saw us right away. He said to us, "Your daughter looks like a classic Leukemia patient." This was my worst fear from what I had been reading. Tears started streaming down my face, and I was terrified at the possibilities ahead. The doctor was very good to our daughter and to us. He invited us to stay right in his office while he made all of the slides himself. Walter Reed is a hospital of serious diagnosis, we were so fortunate and grateful to be there. The clinic in Kansas was not equipped for serious cases. Before the physician started to draw blood and start her evaluation he explained everything to us. There were three possible diagnosis, Leukemia, aplastic anemia or Idiopathic Thrombocytocpenic Purpura. This last diagnosis was the least serious and the reason why she had petechia and purple patches all over her body. The doctor informed us that our four year old daughter needed to have a bone marrow test immediately. Lee went along with our baby and stayed with her during the procedure. It has been well over 30 years now since this all took place and I can still hear our little girl screaming. While she was screaming, I sat there crying and praying that the good Lord would protect her from all harm. We waited and waited for the diagnosis to be made. The doctors were working as fast as they possibly could. It was now early evening, and the wait was almost over.
A situation like this, especially a child or someone very close to us really brings us to our knees quickly. Life is fragile and in an instant it can be snatched away from us. So enjoy your family and friends and savor all of the precious moments and memories.
Carol
On our way to our assignment we decided to stop in Oxen Hill, Maryland to meet one of Lee's cousins. Lee had not seen her in many years and I had never met her. Her husband was also a military man assigned to the Pentagon in DC. Lee's cousin had twin boys who were 17 and a daughter the same age as our son. We parked our trailer in their yard and actually stayed put for at least 2 wks. At that time we found a camping space near to the house that we had purchased. It was a lovely experience with Lee's family. They were gracious hosts, and we were so very grateful to have been able to park our trailer there for so long. Plus the added bonus of getting to know another family member.
Buying our first house was a real eye opener for us, and the DC area was known to have much higher prices than other areas. We looked at several houses, some were just plain out of our price range. Remember now, this was 1973 and Lee's salary as a Captain was $14,000 per year, and I did not work away from the house. The house we put a contract on was $41,000.00. We all loved the house. It had a kitchen, living room, 3 bedrooms, and a full bathroom upstairs. It was a split level and downstairs it had a family room, 2 bedrooms, a laundry room, and another full bathroom. Finally, after what seemed an eternity we received the call that the couple had accepted our contract and our loan was approved. We were all elated. Then the day that we went to closing and signed what seemed like reams and reams of papers the reality set in. That night when Lee and I were talking I cried. "How are we ever going to make those payments every month, $398!" Wow!! in retrospect that payment was nothing compared to the house payments we have had since.
The weekend before we moved into the house we had gone camping at a place in southern Maryland called "Solomon's Island." It was run by the US Navy and a great place to spend the weekends. One weekend we caught 500 blue crabs. It was great fun and the kids loved it as well as Lee and I. This particular weekend there happened to be several guys who were also stationed at Walter Reed and their families. It was a fun weekend and the kids were of similar ages and got along well with each other. There was all kinds of play equipment, some which was kind of rough and tumble for our youngest daughter who was 4 years old at the time. After we arrived home from the weekend, I was giving our youngest a bath when I noticed several large bruises on different parts of her body. I thought boy! they must have really been bouncing her around for her to be so bruised.As the days went on, more and more bruising appeared on her body. She seemed to bruise on areas that were stressed with normal everyday living, such as her cheek bones and shoulder blades. Once again I called on my "merck manual" for some assistance. An ominous feeling came over me as I paged through the manual. Since we were new to the area I called The Walter Reed Clinic for some guidance. They gave me an appointment for a month away. I said "my daughter is very sick and she cannot wait a month to be seen.
Lee was working 3-11 evening shift at the time. When he came home I told him what I thought was happening to our daughter and that she had to be seen as quickly as possible. From my reading I deduced that she had leukemia or some serious form of anemia. Lee was never one to ask favors of the doctors, he felt that we should wait our turn like everyone else. So, of course we disagreed about the situation and the discussion became quite heated. I honestly was afraid. Our daughter did not have any other symptoms except maybe lethargy and she was sleeping more than normal for her also. The discussion ended when I told Lee emphatically "You better talk to someone today and get her in the clinic to be seen. If not I will bring her in myself and I will raise hell until she is seen!" Lee literally grabbed a Pediatric resident and explained our daughter's condition. Almost immediately Lee called me, they wanted to examine her as soon as possible. The Colonel who was in charge of the Hematology Clinic saw us right away. He said to us, "Your daughter looks like a classic Leukemia patient." This was my worst fear from what I had been reading. Tears started streaming down my face, and I was terrified at the possibilities ahead. The doctor was very good to our daughter and to us. He invited us to stay right in his office while he made all of the slides himself. Walter Reed is a hospital of serious diagnosis, we were so fortunate and grateful to be there. The clinic in Kansas was not equipped for serious cases. Before the physician started to draw blood and start her evaluation he explained everything to us. There were three possible diagnosis, Leukemia, aplastic anemia or Idiopathic Thrombocytocpenic Purpura. This last diagnosis was the least serious and the reason why she had petechia and purple patches all over her body. The doctor informed us that our four year old daughter needed to have a bone marrow test immediately. Lee went along with our baby and stayed with her during the procedure. It has been well over 30 years now since this all took place and I can still hear our little girl screaming. While she was screaming, I sat there crying and praying that the good Lord would protect her from all harm. We waited and waited for the diagnosis to be made. The doctors were working as fast as they possibly could. It was now early evening, and the wait was almost over.
A situation like this, especially a child or someone very close to us really brings us to our knees quickly. Life is fragile and in an instant it can be snatched away from us. So enjoy your family and friends and savor all of the precious moments and memories.
Carol
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Another move is upon us and "Back to school" for Lee
In July of 1972 we reluctantly moved from Fort Devens, Massachusetts. This had been a very comfortable assignment. The kids and I had made a lot of friends and once again is was difficult to say goodbye to them. We were destined for Kansas, a place we knew nothing about. The New England area was home to us and we felt very familiar and comfortable there. And so, we headed to the "Heartland of the U.S.A.", with a stop in between to see our families in New York. It was good to see the family again, although they thought Lee and I were nomads. They would say "when are you guys going to settle down?" My reply was, we have curtains on the windows, we make our home wherever we are. It was close to our son's birthday, so we celebrated his 12th birthday with the family. He was almost 7 when Lee went on active duty and quite attached to his grandpa, (my dad) Therefore, it was more difficult for him to make the adjustment of being away from family for long stretches at a time. Our girls were 3 & 5 years old and were a little easier to settle in to our new home. I must say, Kansas was a far cry from our beloved New England. We went from a place where there was so much to do for families and individuals, to a place where they would have a hard time getting enough players to make up a team. It always seemed easier for Lee. He had his agenda and started school almost immediately at a small Catholic college called Merrymount College. It seems that when you have a task to start right away like that, it is easier to make friends. School was his full time job and so the days go by and he was kept quite busy. I need to explain here also that the military housing we were so excited to have waiting for us, was less than adequate. Not just the house per se, but this particular previous Air Force Base had been converted into what was called housing for "waiting wives." Before we moved out to the base, I thought this was a very nice idea. I had been so lonely while Lee was in Viet Nam, and here all the women were in similar situations. My thinking was that gee, the women would be supportive and nurturing to one another.It really was not like that there, especially since my husband was at home. It did not matter one iota that he had recently returned from Viet Nam. Most of the rest of the women there did not have a man at home and were very sarcastic towards me because I did. Another huge aspect was that many of these women needed a lot of assistance and that was the reason they were moved there by their husbands. While Lee was in school he did some work with Social Services, and some of the stories were very sad. Stories of women left there with hardly any money to live on, especially women from foreign lands who were not familiar with life in the U.S.A. One Oriental lady whose husband sent her an allotment of $200.00 per month to live on. She and her 2 little children were almost starving, and she believed her husband when he told her he did not have more money to send. Needless to say, that man was returned to the US promptly. These situations were not looked on kindly by the Commanding Officers and hindered greatly a man's career. There were woman who had drinking problems and their children were pretty much on auto pilot. Child abuse was rampant as well as many other family problems. After awhile Lee decided to moonlight at a local hospital, St. John's which was run by the Sister's of Concordia. He took a job working in ICU, the pay was $3.23 per hour and he was a CRNA. Now of course we are talking about 1972, but that sure would not have been much to support a family on. Lee enjoyed working there, and of course he was very well liked by the nuns. Life in Kansas was sure different than any other place we have ever lived before or since. Actually, it was the first place we ever lived where we saved money. There really was not much to spend it on. About half way through the year I saw a notice in the newspaper for a CNA course, so I thought, why not give it a try. It was a 6 wk course and I received a certificate at the completion of the course. Now that I was equipped to work in the hospital I wanted to work part time too. So I hustled myself down to St. John's Hospital and was hired on Med. Surg. as a Cna. I worked 2 days a week and really learned a lot, and enjoyed it as well . Little did I know at that time that I would be starting Nursing School in Texas 8 years later. We did take some very nice trips while stationed in Kansas, and we went camping with our travel trailer several times as well. One of the most memorable trips we took was to Grand Teton's National Park and Yellowstone Nat'l Park. Everything you see and read about those places is absolutely true. When you are there, it felt spiritual with a tranquility that I had never experienced before. It brought many thoughts to me, such as the great difficulty the early pioneers must have endured as they traversed those majestic mountains. I felt so very grateful for every sacrifice and every scintilla of blood which they shed for us, as they blazed the trail for future generations. Actually, it is beyond my comprehension to even try to fathom the terrible hardships they experienced. They had tenacity that we can only imagine. We have lost that determination and toughness somewhere over the generations I fear
Lee graduated in May 1973 with his BSN and we prepared for yet another move. This move was happier, in part because we were heading back east, but more importantly because Lee had been assigned to Walter Reed Army Medical Center. This was a huge step forward for Lee's career. Walter Reed was one of "thee" places to get your ticket punched towards faster promotions. Actually, Lee was promoted from the secondary zone while he was stationed there. (that means that it was suggested that he be promoted ahead of his peers on his evaluations) At that time in the military many of the higher officers were woman. This was due to the fact that men had not gravitated towards the nursing profession in the military yet. Lee has always been very well liked as well as being very competent and it wasn't long before he was noticed by the "powers that be."
It is getting late, and as usual I have gotten long winded. Having said that I will bring this chapter of my life to a close. God Bless.
Carol
Lee graduated in May 1973 with his BSN and we prepared for yet another move. This move was happier, in part because we were heading back east, but more importantly because Lee had been assigned to Walter Reed Army Medical Center. This was a huge step forward for Lee's career. Walter Reed was one of "thee" places to get your ticket punched towards faster promotions. Actually, Lee was promoted from the secondary zone while he was stationed there. (that means that it was suggested that he be promoted ahead of his peers on his evaluations) At that time in the military many of the higher officers were woman. This was due to the fact that men had not gravitated towards the nursing profession in the military yet. Lee has always been very well liked as well as being very competent and it wasn't long before he was noticed by the "powers that be."
It is getting late, and as usual I have gotten long winded. Having said that I will bring this chapter of my life to a close. God Bless.
Carol
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Life after Viet Nam and a new assignment
when Lee was in Viet Nam he talked a lot about going camping again. We had a truck camper that we sold before he left. I was trying to like camping, but with a 2 y/o and a 4 y/o I was not real enthusiastic. It was one of those things that I thought I should get to enjoy as Lee always compromised for me, and I do feel strongly that it is a 2 way street. This is one of the gripes that some young couples complain about. "Everything we do is with his family or with his friends." Well, of course that gets monotonous and one-sided. If there are other problems in the marriage it just adds fodder to the list of complaints.
To continue the "camping conversation," I was so happy and grateful to have Lee back home that I was game for whatever he wanted to do. He wanted to buy a travel trailer, but did not think we could afford a new purchase. Therefore, I was very happy and proud to show him the bank book. I had managed to save about $3000.00. Lee was practically speechless, I didn't previously have a great track record for saving money. Almost immediately after that conversation we went down to the RV Dealers. We purchased a 17 ft. travel trailer and we were happy as clams. The kids were all excited because we planned to travel to our new assignment in it. The trailer proved to be a wonderful way to travel with children. They could each bring some of their favorite toys, etc to hopefully make the transition to a new place easier and less traumatic. Lee and I decided that it would be advantageous if we all took a trip to Ft Devens to sign up for on post housing. It would give us a little jump ahead on the list. This was before we had the trailer, but regardless of that, we decided that we would all go on this little fact finding trip. We stayed at a very nice motel, the kids loved it as it was a rarity for us to do this. In the middle of the night our 4 yr. old daughter woke me. She was crying and definitely in pain. Luckily, we were all set to return to New York anyway because we had accomplished what we were there for. Naturally, we did not waste any time getting an early start back as she needed medical attention. On arriving back home we went directly to the hospital. As we had both suspected our daughter had a very serious bladder infection. Apparently, she was born with some type of obstruction which prevented her from urinating normally. The nurse came out to tell us that they would have to catheterize our little girl. This really upset me because I knew it would be painful, and moreover, if she has an obstruction HOW would they be able to accomplish this. Lee and I were sitting outside of the office and we could hear our daughter screaming while they "tried" to catheterize her. Thankfully, the urologist had been called and he came out to talk to us. We were aware of a problem, as potty training was quite prolonged compared to our other child, but I never suspected any thing so serious. The doctor said that it was an absolute necessity that our daughter have surgery to correct this anomaly. Wow, this was not something we had planned on happening, and truthfully I was frightened. She was such a tiny little thing, and of course, parents were not allowed to accompany the child. They scheduled the surgery for the next day bright and early. The surgery was successful and all went well, thank God. It was hospital policy that mothers stayed with the child the entire time the child was hospitalized. She was in hospital 3 nights and on the fourth day she was discharged. She, as well as I, was delighted to get back home to her family. It is really true, "there is no place like home." We still had some time to relax a little before having to prepare for the moving truck to pull up in front of our house. Actually, this particular move was so smooth and trouble free, it was a joy. The reason for the incident free move is that we knew the house which we would be occupying. So our furniture did not have to be unloaded into storage as in previous moves. That extra unloading and reloading is where the damage occurs and things get lost, so we were very grateful and pleased.
It was now almost the end of July and Lee had to report to duty. It was a rather small hospital, and fairly quiet, compared to the large evacuation hospital where Lee had been assigned in Viet Nam. Lee welcomed the change of pace, the days were shorter and the work load was less than he had been accustomed to. There was another fella anesthetist who also had just returned from Viet Nam. Lou was a great guy and he and Lee hit it off immediately. Lee's boss Barbara (Lt Col) was a wonderful and caring woman. Every day she tried to get "the boys," as she referred to them home as early as possible to try and make up for lost time with their families. So, we were altogether again and Viet Nam became a distant memory. Lee still owed the Army 1 year to pay for anesthesia school, so we were not making any plans for Lee to leave the service at that time. It was wonderful to be a family again, I literally dove into so many activities. I volunteered for the "thrift shop", I volunteered to teach religious education, AND I volunteered Lee to teach it as well. (he was only a little annoyed) I belonged to a bowling league which I loved. Actually, our team was in first place, and all of the girls were great fun and very welcoming. Our oldest daughter attended nursery school as she needed to socialize a bit more,and she really enjoyed it as well. She also took ballet classes which she enjoyed and looked so darling in her tutu. Our our son was in 6th grade. He was experiencing quite a growth spurt at the time and was beginning those "trying" teenage years. He played flag football that year as well as hockey which he loved. He was a natural born athlete, but he was not a good loser which did cause a problem at times. Our youngest daughter stayed home with me, she was 2 yr old at the time. It gave us some "special" time together which we did not have when all 3 kids were home at the same time. Fort Devens was my favorite duty station, our life seemed so comfortable and enjoyable there.We all had fun and made a lot of friends, and the kids were doing well. Christmas was approaching and I had volunteered Lee and our son to sell Christmas trees for the youth club. They were ok with it, a friend of Lee's was also selling trees compliments of his wife also. They all seemed to enjoy the whole X-mas tree event. Then about half way through that year Lee came home and said that we would probably be reassigned in the summer. One year after we arrived there we would be leaving. I must admit that I was bitter and angry, I tried to put up a good front for the kids, but it was difficult. I knew that this was a good career move for Lee. He had been advised to go back to school for his BSN. So, in the summer of 1972 we were headed for Salina, Kansas, not exactly the "garden spot" of my dreams, but it was a reality.
I'll try to blog more frequently in the future. Our 5 year old granddaughter spent an entire week with us last week. It was marvelous. We baked cookies, went swimming every day, went to the "Children's Museum", read stories each night at bedtime, had a movie night, went for walks. I cannot explain the absolute joy I receive from my grandchildren, all four of them. If you are not yet a grandmother, you have a wonderful treat waiting for you. I feel so completely and entirely priveleged to be a grandmother and I truly love it!
Go out and be kind to those who are less fortunate than you. God calls us to "Love one another as we love ourselves."
Goodnight, Carol
To continue the "camping conversation," I was so happy and grateful to have Lee back home that I was game for whatever he wanted to do. He wanted to buy a travel trailer, but did not think we could afford a new purchase. Therefore, I was very happy and proud to show him the bank book. I had managed to save about $3000.00. Lee was practically speechless, I didn't previously have a great track record for saving money. Almost immediately after that conversation we went down to the RV Dealers. We purchased a 17 ft. travel trailer and we were happy as clams. The kids were all excited because we planned to travel to our new assignment in it. The trailer proved to be a wonderful way to travel with children. They could each bring some of their favorite toys, etc to hopefully make the transition to a new place easier and less traumatic. Lee and I decided that it would be advantageous if we all took a trip to Ft Devens to sign up for on post housing. It would give us a little jump ahead on the list. This was before we had the trailer, but regardless of that, we decided that we would all go on this little fact finding trip. We stayed at a very nice motel, the kids loved it as it was a rarity for us to do this. In the middle of the night our 4 yr. old daughter woke me. She was crying and definitely in pain. Luckily, we were all set to return to New York anyway because we had accomplished what we were there for. Naturally, we did not waste any time getting an early start back as she needed medical attention. On arriving back home we went directly to the hospital. As we had both suspected our daughter had a very serious bladder infection. Apparently, she was born with some type of obstruction which prevented her from urinating normally. The nurse came out to tell us that they would have to catheterize our little girl. This really upset me because I knew it would be painful, and moreover, if she has an obstruction HOW would they be able to accomplish this. Lee and I were sitting outside of the office and we could hear our daughter screaming while they "tried" to catheterize her. Thankfully, the urologist had been called and he came out to talk to us. We were aware of a problem, as potty training was quite prolonged compared to our other child, but I never suspected any thing so serious. The doctor said that it was an absolute necessity that our daughter have surgery to correct this anomaly. Wow, this was not something we had planned on happening, and truthfully I was frightened. She was such a tiny little thing, and of course, parents were not allowed to accompany the child. They scheduled the surgery for the next day bright and early. The surgery was successful and all went well, thank God. It was hospital policy that mothers stayed with the child the entire time the child was hospitalized. She was in hospital 3 nights and on the fourth day she was discharged. She, as well as I, was delighted to get back home to her family. It is really true, "there is no place like home." We still had some time to relax a little before having to prepare for the moving truck to pull up in front of our house. Actually, this particular move was so smooth and trouble free, it was a joy. The reason for the incident free move is that we knew the house which we would be occupying. So our furniture did not have to be unloaded into storage as in previous moves. That extra unloading and reloading is where the damage occurs and things get lost, so we were very grateful and pleased.
It was now almost the end of July and Lee had to report to duty. It was a rather small hospital, and fairly quiet, compared to the large evacuation hospital where Lee had been assigned in Viet Nam. Lee welcomed the change of pace, the days were shorter and the work load was less than he had been accustomed to. There was another fella anesthetist who also had just returned from Viet Nam. Lou was a great guy and he and Lee hit it off immediately. Lee's boss Barbara (Lt Col) was a wonderful and caring woman. Every day she tried to get "the boys," as she referred to them home as early as possible to try and make up for lost time with their families. So, we were altogether again and Viet Nam became a distant memory. Lee still owed the Army 1 year to pay for anesthesia school, so we were not making any plans for Lee to leave the service at that time. It was wonderful to be a family again, I literally dove into so many activities. I volunteered for the "thrift shop", I volunteered to teach religious education, AND I volunteered Lee to teach it as well. (he was only a little annoyed) I belonged to a bowling league which I loved. Actually, our team was in first place, and all of the girls were great fun and very welcoming. Our oldest daughter attended nursery school as she needed to socialize a bit more,and she really enjoyed it as well. She also took ballet classes which she enjoyed and looked so darling in her tutu. Our our son was in 6th grade. He was experiencing quite a growth spurt at the time and was beginning those "trying" teenage years. He played flag football that year as well as hockey which he loved. He was a natural born athlete, but he was not a good loser which did cause a problem at times. Our youngest daughter stayed home with me, she was 2 yr old at the time. It gave us some "special" time together which we did not have when all 3 kids were home at the same time. Fort Devens was my favorite duty station, our life seemed so comfortable and enjoyable there.We all had fun and made a lot of friends, and the kids were doing well. Christmas was approaching and I had volunteered Lee and our son to sell Christmas trees for the youth club. They were ok with it, a friend of Lee's was also selling trees compliments of his wife also. They all seemed to enjoy the whole X-mas tree event. Then about half way through that year Lee came home and said that we would probably be reassigned in the summer. One year after we arrived there we would be leaving. I must admit that I was bitter and angry, I tried to put up a good front for the kids, but it was difficult. I knew that this was a good career move for Lee. He had been advised to go back to school for his BSN. So, in the summer of 1972 we were headed for Salina, Kansas, not exactly the "garden spot" of my dreams, but it was a reality.
I'll try to blog more frequently in the future. Our 5 year old granddaughter spent an entire week with us last week. It was marvelous. We baked cookies, went swimming every day, went to the "Children's Museum", read stories each night at bedtime, had a movie night, went for walks. I cannot explain the absolute joy I receive from my grandchildren, all four of them. If you are not yet a grandmother, you have a wonderful treat waiting for you. I feel so completely and entirely priveleged to be a grandmother and I truly love it!
Go out and be kind to those who are less fortunate than you. God calls us to "Love one another as we love ourselves."
Goodnight, Carol
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