brightstar

brightstar Here I am back on the job. I just spent 2 hrs composing the next chapter of my story, however, as I've been known to do in the past, I've lost it!! You cannot hear me right now, but there is screaming, and gnashing of teeth. So far I have not uttered one teeny little obscenity. I'm trying to be professional, but actually it was in the Nursing profession that I learned how to really articulate my feelings when frustrated! Therefore, I have on occasion resorted to the more serious obscenities...... You may use your imagination.
Anyway, I am determined to persevere with my story.
Yesterday, when I stated that my husband and I held hands and have never let go, it is really more of a metaphor for the strength and support we have always given each other.
Just as an aside, we still do hold hands a lot, we have always been very tactile and physical. After all, it feels good to be touched, and held. Sometimes just being held and stroked can be extremely relaxing, and therapeutic. Granted, not everyone likes physical contact, but many of those people have their own story.
Studies have shown that babies in Neonatal Intensive Care thrive when they are touched and stimulated. At the medical center where I worked they hired older woman just to hold, touch, and stimulate the tiny premature infants.
Neither Lee, nor I were raised in a loving family. Oh! there were plenty of emotions, anger, and intimidation, but kisses and hugs were very rare. I think in many ways Lee and I fulfilled that physical need in each other. I am not referring to touching of a sexual nature, although it is an important aspect of any relationship.
Sometimes a hug will be all that is needed to comfort a major or perhaps a minor hurt. Lee has impeccable timing, he can read me like a book. Many times he may see a shadow cross my face, but I will insist that everything is fine with me. If he spontaneously hugs me, I usually cry, because I need to release the sadness or stress or whatever it was bothering me. Earlier I made the statement that "we have had a wonderful trip together" and we have, but, it has not been without disappointment, sadness, trials and tribulations along the way. However, it is my belief that it is these hills and valleys where we garner our persistence, stick-to-itiveness, and perseverance, to get up the next morning and start all over again. There is no room for anger and resentment or selfishness.
It actually took me a lot of years with a wonderful and highly skilled psychologist, to work through all of the baggage that I had brought to the marriage. But I am getting ahead of my story and will return to this part of my life later.
After graduation from high school, we both went to our respective colleges. The plans for where we would attend college were all made before we started going together. Therefore, the college that I chose State University of New York @ Plattsburgh was far, far, away from my family. It was situated in northern NY near the Canadian border. My husband chose a college State University of New York @ Brockport that was only about an hour from his home. Consequently, because of the distance we only saw each other during the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. Lee had also been accepted @ Cornell University, but his parents thought it was too expensive.
We had no car of course, and depended on an upper classmen who happened to live near my parents. He always saved a seat for me during the holidays. As soon as I returned from one holiday I would reserve my ride for the next trip back home. He charged us the exorbitant price of $2.00 per trip, remember now this was 1958.
When I went home for Thanksgiving Lee and I became engaged. Our happiness and excitement was somewhat abbreviated by the unhappy and negative response we received from our parents. However, we were determined to forge ahead with our plans to be married. Our first year of college was drawing to an end and we were eagerly awaiting the summer together. The plan was for my then fiance to tranfer up to the college that I attended. However, his parents decided that they were no longer able to help him financially. I then made the decision that I would not return to school either. We both come from families where education was not valued nor encouraged. At that point we both acquired jobs at the local canning factory for the paltry sum of $1.00/hr. We quickly learned that we were absolutely not going to work in that dirty and wet factory with the gestapo for a supervisor. It was around the same time that we found out that his parents were no longer going to give Lee any financial assistance for school, we decided to get married. I mean that makes sense doesn't it? We had no money for school, and we decided to marry anyway. It was kind of a fast decision based on the fact that we loved each other, and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. This was the rationale of two 18 year olds.
In retrospect, I understand their point of view, but we were determined. Times were different then, sleeping together was not an option, not for me anyway. Some family members assumed that I was pregnant! When we were married we had never slept together, this may sound "corny" now, but I am proud of that.
One of the qualities I loved about Lee was that he respected my wishes, and if I said "no" it was no, and there was not anymore discussion about it. It was always my wish that when I married, my husband would marry me because he loved me, not because he felt trapped. Our parents had made it clear that they would not help us financially, if we went ahead with the wedding. Well, that was certainly not going to be a deterrent for us. It was full throttle ahead with the plans, the date was to be November 21,1959, one month before we had our 19th birthdays!. I borrowed a wedding gown from my sister-law, a veil from a friend and bought new white heels.