January 1970 started off with the passing of my maternal grandmother. My paternal grandmother had died when I was 4 years old, and I actually do remember her. She was straight from Limerick, Ireland. Her name was Elizabeth Noonan before she married my grandfather. She was in her 30's and unmarried before she emigrated to America. In 1903 she married my grandfather James, she gave birth to 6 boys from 1905 until 1919. By that time she was well into her 40's and my grandfather was in his 50's. Today we would consider that advanced age to be having a family, although delaying parenthood appears to be making a comeback nowadays. When I was born in December 1940 with red hair and bright blue eyes, my grandmother was according to my mother "over the moon." My Irish grandmother sang songs about Ireland and talked about her love for Ireland, but she was never able to return to her home country. One special memory I have about my Irish grandmother is that she was always knitting. She would sit in a large upholstered chair while doing so, and under the cushions she had several bags of candy. She doled it out rather sparingly, but it was always something to look forward to, along with her stories about the "old country." I realize that I did get a little off the track there, however I think some history about my heritage is important.
My grandmother who passed away was my mother's mother. She was an only child born in NYC to a couple who appeared to be a little more refined. My grandmother married a man who was one of 13 children, he was not very refined and was always grouchy. It was really an unlikely union. They had 5 children, my mother being the oldest daughter. I was the first granddaughter and I had a close relationship with "Grama." She never knew it, but she saved my life, many times. When things were especially bad at home I would call her and ask if I could up and stay with her for a couple of days. She never refused. Maybe she understood more than I knew at the time. I loved to go there because she always treated me special. I could choose what we ate for dinner, and she always had dessert too. Maybe that is where I inherited my sweet tooth from. "Grama" was not a very affectionate person, but I always felt safe with her and I knew she loved me. Therefore when she died in Jan 1970 I was heartbroken, and even more upsetting, I could not afford to fly to New York for her funeral. Our baby was only 9 months old, and then a 3 yr old and our son who was 9 yrs old. Lee needed to have his undivided attention on his anesthesia training, and we had no money anyway. After our daughter was born I experienced some depression although we didn't really seem to get it at the time. Actually, I need to back up here for a bit. When Michele was only 6 wks old I injured my back. I had just returned from my 6 wks checkup and I went to set the baby seat down and I felt something give in my back and I fell to the floor. The pain was excruciating and all I could do was crawl or lay on the floor. Luckily, the baby was fine and did not cry and my 3 yr old was next door with our neighbor. I spent about 2 hrs on the floor before Lee returned home from school. It was difficult for him to get me up off the floor as I was in so much pain. During labor I had severe back pain which was worse than the pain of contractions. I truly believe that is when my back was injured. Lee took me to the Army Hospital and they diagnosed it as a ruptured disc. They gave me a shot of Demerol and some muscle relaxants and sent me on my way. After the severe pain subsided I started physical therapy which helped tremendously. In the meantime I was bedridden for about 3 weeks. Our wonderful neighbor would come over and get the 2 little ones, feed them their breakfast and give me my pain medication or whatever I needed. The girls loved Mary and she kept them at her house until Lee came home. When Lee came home he did everything, prepared dinner, fed the kids and got them ready for bed. I was breast feeding so he would bring the baby to me to feed and then he would do the rest. He never once complained about anything and was always very optimistic about my recovery, and about life in general. The depression started with my back injury, then became worse with the loss of my grandmother. In March of 1970 Lee came home home with the "dreaded news" which we had both feared, but knew that it would become a reality. He had received his orders for Viet Nam. The report date was June 1970 (Father's Day) We had 2 full months to think about Lee leaving, I started losing weight from this date on, by the time he left I had lost 20 pounds, normally I weighed 120. I couldn't eat, I withdrew into myself and slept for long periods of time. It seems like when I was awake I cried much of the time, I truly did not think I could live without Lee, and I didn't know how I would manage the house and kids without him. Lee told me later he was concerned about my state of mind and health and did not know if I was strong enough for what lie ahead for a years time without him. I had chosen to return to New York to be around my family while Lee was overseas. It turned out to be the wrong decision as they were not as supportive as I had hoped they would be. However, I did have several friends who still lived there and they were wonderful to us. When we arrived back in New York it was difficult to find an apartment to rent. Just a few days before Lee was to ship out we finally found one we liked. The kicker was that it would not be available until after Lee left for Viet Nam. This was the first major hurdle which I accomplished. I was unsure of myself and anxious, however the friends and family that helped me said, "You looked like a pro." The move went well with very little damage, and we retrieved our 3 year olds red tennis shoes. (remember they had been packed with our goods 2 months ago) And so life without Lee had commenced and almost immediately, my health improved. I had 3 children to take care of and a house to look after, and it was important for me to be strong for the kids. I enrolled our son in school, it was summer vacation so he had some time for fun before dealing with a new school. Our 3 yr old needed some socializing, so I enrolled her in a preschool program which she loved. Lee and I wrote to each other every single day that we were apart. My letters to Lee were monotonous, mostly about the kids and daily life, but Lee looked forward to them and enjoyed them as well.The kids and I took rolls and rolls of pictures which we sent to Lee, and every single week we sent him a package filled with goodies. Lee said the other fellas in his unit would ask him when he was expecting another package from home. It was like I was on a mission, looking for and finding things I thought Lee would enjoy. There was everything from cookies, cakes, packed in popcorn, (to keep it from molding) canned stuffed peppers which he loved, canned baked apples, I even packed a small bottle of wine in a box of oatmeal and sent that over. Lee and I both made tapes which we exchanged, neither of us really enjoyed them though. Lee always sounded so sad and I could hear the planes in the background which upset me, so we discontinued the tapes. I had tried to get our then 10 yr old son to make a tape for his dad. He was having difficulties and said "what am I supposed to say to a machine?" He was right on target, I really did understand.
Christmas was rough for me as it is my favorite holiday and Lee and I always did things together, like picking out just the right tree, and making oodles of Christmas cookies. That year the kids wanted to cut our own tree from a local farmer's tree lot. All of the trees cost $1.00. We found the perfect tree immediately, but of course we couldn't cut a tree so quickly. We had to trudge on through hundreds more trees, and then return to the original one we found to cut and drag it out of the field. Well, I don't know if you have ever cut your own tree, but it looks much, much larger when you get it in your living room than it did in the field. This tree was huge, what was I thinking? It could have been the White House Tree or so it seemed. Another VERY important aspect of cutting your own tree is to make sure the tree is straight, it seemed that ours was not, as I tried and tried to get the trunk to fit into the tree stand. Amazingly, I got the tree up and tied it to be sure it would not tumble over. (Lee and I had had the experience of not tying the tree with string our first Christmas.) We lost many of our lovely ornaments as the tree came crashing to the floor. It seems to me that I had suggested we tie the tree which "MY FATHER always does" Lee decided he could do it just as well or maybe even better without "my father's suggestion" Anyway, by the time I managed to get the tree in place my fingers were bloody and scratched and I was almost in tears. The kids and I trimmed the tree and it looked beautiful. By this time is was bedtime for the children. We couldn't forget "Santa" and left him milk and cookies for the rest of the trip. Before they went to bed I read them "Twas the Night Before Christmas" which I continued until they were in their teens. They always laughed at me, but always inquired about the where abouts of that book. After the kids were all tucked in came the REAL challenge. When I did my Christmas shopping I never took notice of how many toys had to be assembled. My hands were really skinned up and bloody after screwing at least a million screws into a play stove, sink and refrigerator. That was just one child's toys. It was to be a l-o-n-g night, and to make matters worse it was my 30th birthday!! Time to get a bottle of wine out, and what the heck I'll smoke a few cigarettes too. I mean I was "wild" and really "let my hair down." Finally, about 0300 I was finished with everything I had to do ,and it was my bedtime. It was short lived, the kids came in to wake me about 0500 to exclaim, "Mommy, Santa came, Santa found us in our new house." On Christmas morning we were supposed to go to my parents house for Christmas Day and dinner. It turned out that our 3 year old had nausea, vomiting and diarrhea, and we stayed home with just me and my 3 kids. We actually had loads of fun playing games, watching X-mas specials and eating special treats.
The New Year is fast approaching and Lee is that much closer to coming back home. In mid February Lee and I had made all our plans to meet in Hawaii for 5 WONDERFUL days together, sans children. This would be my maiden flight all the way from Rochester, NY to Chicago's O'hare, then non-stop to Honolulu. The night before I was to leave for Hawaii we had a tremendous snow storm. I woke up to a "winter wonderland." and it took me quite a while to uncover my car, let alone clear the driveway. My dad had offered to take me to the airport. I had however already accepted a ride with Lee's younger brother which would prove to be harrowing.
Bye for now, Carol
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