Thursday, June 10, 2010

...and life goes on

I arrived home from Hawaii happier and more optimistic. It was good to see the kids and share all the photos and news from daddy. Then, of course there were those gifts which they all knew I would have for them. They really did absolutely devour the fresh pineapples. To me the pineapples did not seem to be as exotic and delicious as they did in Hawaii. In my heart I know that the ambiance and mystique of being with Lee in Hawaii enhanced the effects of everything. It was still very much winter in New York, the respite in Hawaii was wonderful, but the reality was we could expect much more snow and cold weather until April.
After I was home awhile we started talking about Lee coming back home and our next assignment. I had decided that the military life wasn't so bad after all. Originally, I chose to go to New York to be around family, however I did not feel very supported by family. In reality, my old friends were much more supportive and present for me. While I was in New York my father had offered me some land to build a house when Lee finished his tour of duty in the Army. Initially I was very excited about the prospect of having our own home. Then I started thinking about living so close to my parents and the possible repercussions of that arrangement. There is always a price to be paid My relationship with my mother had always been strained, and both my parents were always critical of the decisions which Lee and I made. Consequently, we said "no thank you". Lee still owed the military 1 more year of service for his anesthesia schooling and we felt like we could not make any future plans until that commitment was fulfilled.
Our son became sick around the time of Easter vacation. He was complaining of a sore throat and a general feeling of malaise. I took him to my pediatrician who diagnosed a sore throat and upper respiratory infection. He did not do a throat culture and he did not prescribe penicillin. Remember this was 1971 and penicillin was quite popular. The choices of antibiotics were few compared to now. Our son started complaining of joint pain, and then began having difficulty walking because his ankles were swollen and painful. At this time I was not a nurse, but I started looking up his symptoms in the "Merck Manual" and I had concluded that it was Rheumatic Fever. All the signs and symptoms were there plain as day. Another visit to the pediatrician and after examining our son the doc said "well I don't think it is Rheumatic Fever, but I will order some blood work." The next day the doctor called me at home to say "yes, it is Rheumatic Fever and your son needs to be hospitalized." Our son was in the hospital for several days including Easter. It turned out that year the only holiday that we actually spent with family had been Thanksgiving. All of the other holidays the kids were ill and we stayed home by ourselves. While our son was in the hospital his medication was changed to Penicillin which he took for many years as a prophylactic to protect his heart. Lee and I continued our daily letter writing throughout the year so Lee had been getting daily reports on our son. He called me one night around 0200 (because of time change)to tell me that Todd had Rheumatic Fever. By that time our son was home and on the mend and another scary situation was history.
At the beginning of that year as I have recalled to you early in my story, I was depressed and terrified at the thought of Lee being gone for an entire year. I truly did not know if I would be able to manage by myself and handle all of the responsibilities. In retrospect, I matured a great deal that year. I had to be there, and be present for our children, and able to make decisions by myself. When Lee came home I was actually proud of myself and proud of the way I responded to adversity that year. It was good for me because if I had not succeeded and Lee would have been called back it would not bode well for his career. So the gamble was worth it, although poor Lee left us with feelings of trepidation and uncertainty.
The day finally arrived for Lee's homecoming. It was somewhat disappointing because Lee was instructed not to wear his military uniform home. The American people were so anti Viet Nam and demonstrating all over, it was just safer not to antagonize them. The children and I were so very proud of him and what he had experienced during his Viet Nam tour that we were disappointed. The main thing was that he was home safely. It was Father's Day and it was wonderful to have Lee return home on that day. You may recall that he left on Father's Day of 1970 and it was a sad and unsettling day. None of the family came over and the kids and I were all alone after we took Lee to the airport.
Lee seemed more quiet when he came home and really did not want to talk about his Viet Nam experience. He was exhausted after the long, long flight home and we were just happy that he was home safe and sound with us. On July 4th we all went to see the fireworks with Lee's brother and his family. The fireworks bothered Lee as the sound was similar to the bombs being dropped in Viet Nam. Otherwise, I never saw anything disturbing about Lee's behavior as a result of Viet Nam. One thing that I did notice and it was different behavior for Lee is that he seemed to drink more alcohol. He said in Viet Nam most of the medical personnel drank all day, and played cards. In between taking care of casualties they drank, some smoked pot as well. The surgeons drank, anesthesia personnel drank as well as ancillary staff. Drinking was sort of a way of life for that year. It was the personnels way of numbing themselves to the terrible atrocities they witnessed every day. Lee had gone directly from anesthesia school to the operating rooms of Viet Nam. He, like thousands of others was not prepared for what he saw every day. Over the years Lee has made statements like "I don't know if we did any favors by saving some of those guys." At that time military medicine was being heralded because of the higher survival rate. Lee said that many 18 and 19 year olds who had lost their arms or legs or both, or some who also lost their sight, were heart breaking to see. Many of these guys were angry that they had survived only to face a lifetime of rehabilitation and adjusting to life after Viet Nam.
Our new duty station was to be Fort Devens, Mass. which we were thrilled about. We love New England and enjoyed the more temperate weather compared to Texas and Oklahoma. Lee's boss was a woman we had known at Fort Sill, OK. He was very happy with his new assignment as was I. Actually, this Lt Col who was Lee's boss turned into a wonderful friend. We were priveleged to have her friendship until 1983 when she passed away with breast cancer. She was only 60 years old, and had been a confidant, and huge support to me during a turbulent time with our son. She was absolutely the most non judgemental individual I have ever met, and I was devastated when she passed away. Fortunately, I was able to fly from Austin, Texas (our assignment after Europe) to Presque Isle, Maine to spend a few precious days with her before she died.
Until next time, be good to one another. Carol

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