LOSING A FRIEND

Losing a friend does not get any easier as one ages. In reality, I think it gets more difficult to relinquish these treasured individuals whom we have allowed into our lives, and moreover, they have reciprocated in kind by accepting us, and loving us with all our imperfections. One definition of friend is a close acquaintance, someone whom we become fond of and share our inner most thoughts with. We may know a lot of people, but most of us have precious few "real" friends. I feel privileged to have made some wonderful friends over my lifetime, friends who have been there for me in good times, and friends who have been with me during some of the darkest hours of my life. My eyes well up with tears as I recall the numerous times I have felt the unconditional love and support of close friends when I desperately needed it.

I met Sister Consuela in 1987. She was a diminutive "old school" Sister of Mercy who chose to wear the modern version of the habit and wimple, black in winter, and white in summer. She had beautiful blue eyes which twinkled with her knowing smile. Her grace and silent presence commanded respect to all those who knew her. I knew the first time that I met Sister that I would grow to love her.


In 1987 my husband Lee had recently retired from the U.S. Army after 23 years and accepted the position of Director of the Anesthesia School at Mercy Hospital in Portland, Maine. Sister Consuela was his supervisor, he thought the world of her, and respected her opinion. He was always impressed by her involvement in so many different projects. She was extremely knowledgeable and highly respected by all that she touched over the many years. Her high standards are reflected in the hundreds of nurses who received their training under her tutelage.


Lee and I had planned a trip to Ireland in 1989. Sister Conseula asked if we planned on going to Dublin, she then gave us a little history lesson about Catherine Mc Cauley (the woman who founded The Sister's of Mercy) who was born near Dublin in 1778. Sister asked if would we visit the small museum in honor of Catherine Mc Cauley. I surmised from her enthusiasm that it would mean a great deal to her. I promptly told her that we would be happy to do that for her. As we walked away Lee refreshed my memory that our itinerary did not include Dublin! WELL, of course we went to Dublin! It was a cold rainy, dreary day, really not conducive to finding a tiny shrine to Catherine Mc Cauley half way round the world in Dublin, Ireland. Remember that you drive on the opposite side of the street in The U.K. and now it is literally pouring rain. Thank God that Lee has the patience of Job. He also knows that I am like "a dog with a bone" when I am looking for something. I had him making u-turns after which he would forget and get on the wrong side of the street. It was not pretty, there was not a lot of conversation, BUT we found it! It was a tiny chapel,there was no one in attendance. The only prove that we had been there was a pamphlet with Catherine Mc Cauley's picture, and information about her life, and Lee took a couple photographs. We also purchased some linen handkerchiefs for Sister which we gave her along with the pamphlet. She was absolutely "tinkled pink" and so grateful that we had done this for her. Her eyes were brimming with tears of gratitude as she hugged us. A small gesture which meant so much to her and reminded us once again, that sometimes it doesn't take much to make someone happy.

In 1991 I was contemplating graduate school, however, I was not confident that I could achieve my goals. As Lee said, I kept throwing up "road blocks" for myself which prevented me from applying to Boston College. One day at work he mentioned my dilemma to Sister Consuela. She said "tell Carol to be in my office at 0900 tomorrow morning. Lee said, "it wasn't really a request, it was more like an edict!"
So I was in her office at 0900 sharp the following morning. We talked for 2 hrs, and we talked about everything under the sun. When I left her office that morning I was so "psyched," I felt like I could achieve anything. I did matriculate at Boston College and earned my MSN in Psych/Mental Health, and I shall always be grateful for her encouragement, and support. Actually, I felt that she was my guardian angel and it gave me the strength and determination to stay the course. Sister had a very persuasive way about her, and she also had a wonderful way to convey her caring and love as well, she and I hit it off immediately. Periodically, I would call and ask Sister Consuela if she would care to go out to lunch, she never refused. I always took her to a restaurant along the water which we both thoroughly enjoyed. She always ordered Salmon which she loved, and her dessert consisted of one scoop of vanilla ice cream. When I asked here if she would like dessert, she would always get this little mischievous look in her eyes and smile.
One year, the week before Thanksgiving I asked Lee to invite Sister for dinner, I prefaced my request with "I'm sure at this late date she will already have plans." As luck would have it, she did not have plans and she was ecstatic that she was coming to our home for Thanksgiving dinner. Lee said she announced to everyone she encountered that she was having Thanksgiving dinner at Lee's house. I was honored that she accepted our invitation, and it appears that she was honored to be invited.
When Sister Consuela retired from her position at Mercy Hospital we went to her party. The huge room was packed with people from Sister's past, they all had a story to tell, be it when they were a Nursing student or later when they were employed at Mercy Hospital. She was loved by all whose lives she touched. She was incredulous that so many, many people had come to honor her, and she genuinely did not "get it!" She was just doing her job in the best way she knew how, and did not see what all the fuss was about.
Sister appeared in the halls of Mercy Hospital for several years after her retirement, visiting, encouraging, and praying with patients. She loved seeing old friends and co-workers, some seeking her advice, which was free, but only if it was solicited. Personally, I think she is still roaming those hallowed halls at Mercy Hospital, the place she loved so much, and I think she always will.
Two years ago in July 2009 Lee and I were in Maine on vacation and decided to try and find Sister Conseula. I had written a few notes to her, but for whatever reason, did not hear back from her. It took a couple phone calls and we found her at The Frances Warde Convent on Stevens Ave. She was frail, but bright and alert, and happy to see us. Those beautiful blue eyes still radiant and shining, full of love. We visited for about an hour, she hugged and kissed us both and we said "goodbye. " We all had tears in our eyes silently knowing that this would be our final farewell to Sister Conseula. She walked us to the door and waved to us as we drove away. I can still see her there in my mind's eye.

Sister Conseula passed away last week. I was devastated upon hearing the news, and felt such a loss, however on reflection I was being selfish. This wonderful "saintly" woman has influenced and enriched my life beyond belief, and she has inspired me to be a better person, and a better Christian. I am blessed and priveleged to have known such a woman and to call her my friend.
I'll bet St. Peter wisked her through the heavenly gates so fast when she flashed that ever present twinkle in her eyes. At long last Sister will have the rest with our Heavenly Father which she so richly deserves.