"A day in the life"

To all my blog readers,
Today was a really wonderful day for me, not because anything special happened, it is just the way I feel inside. It is a feeling which is difficult to describe, a feeling that all is right with the world. It is also an emotional time for me as well, I may become weepy just watching my grandchildren play, or when they say something which really touches my heart. Everything is a wonder to me now. Recently. our daughter told us she felt the baby move for the first time that day, it was very special that she shared that with us, and also very emotional for both Lee and I. It seems like just a short time ago our children were young and Lee and I were struggling to make ends meet. Now we have lived over three quarters of our lives, and starting to have some health issues. The years have passed by like a sudden windstorm and our lives have been fast forwarded. Where have the years gone? When we are young, we yearn to be older, then all of a sudden we are older and cannot understand how it happened. Seemingly in the blink of an eye, the years move swiftly by, unnoticed. One would think that this is rich and valuable information for our young people today. However, many will make the same mistakes that their parents and grand parents made. They all rush, rush, rush to make a living, instead of just living!! Enjoy one another, savor each day, look around and appreciate the beauty of this country we live in, the freedom we enjoy, and thank God for every single day of your life.
Sometimes, I question my life, "Why have I been given so much? Why am I filled with happiness and gratitude? Part of the answer is that I love and accept myself now. I have forgiven myself for all of the mistakes I have made in my life. This need to be perfect that many of us seem to strive for. Women especially, seem to think that they have to be the be all end all to everyone they interact with, "super moms", super wives" Why? We are human beings with human frailties and consequently we do error at times. I have beaten myself up because I think I could have been a better mother. In retrospect I would have done things differently. Hindsight is a great thing. My role models growing up did not practice methods which I agreed with, corporeal punishment, guilty as charged. Looking back I was 19 years old when I had our first child, with no real tools to help me. The one thing I did have was Love and that is where I began.
Now Lee and I are on the last leg of our trip through the beautiful Northwest. It was Lee's idea that we travel up north for cooler climate to try to improve my health. I have a Chronic Neurological Disease which is worse in the high temperatures of Arizona. It was not something that I had even considered or thought about. My husband is a very unselfish man. It is one of the many reasons why I love him so much. As far as he is concerned "it is no big deal" The man has driven close to 6000 miles so far. If I look at the map and say "gee that looks like a beautiful place" or "lets see what is on the other side of this island" Lee points our vehicle in that direction. It has been a magical trip in many ways. We could do whatever we wanted when we wanted. It has been good for me in the north country, I do feel better and seem to have a little more energy.
Lee and I have been married for 50 years, but age is a relative thing. Yes, of course chronologically we are old enough to be married 50 years, but we don't think at that level yet. This trip in actuality is our umpteenth "honeymoon." Sometimes we act like kids again. After all it is just the two of us, nobody else witnesses how "goofy" we can be together. At our age the inhibitions gotta go too. I mean come on "whats to hide at this age." Both of us are still kind of "touchy feely kind of people. Just with each other, and/ or the kids and grandshildren. Who doesn't like to be touched? Did you know that they hire woman for the Neonatal ICU for the sole purpose of holding and stimulating the premature infants? Studies have shown that the infants will not thrive and grow if they do not receive tactile stimulation?
Lee and I still hold hands which would be a difficult habit to break, since we started it in 1958. Some people consider this a corny and high school type behavior thing to do. It works for us. I have to say though that it never ceases to amaze me how some couples still have so many walls up. I was having lunch with a friend one day and I had asked her how her husband was doing? At that time they had been married over 30 years. She told me that she was very unhappy with their sex life. I said have you told Bill how you feel? She almost choked on her sandwich. She said "I can't tell him that." Well, you are telling me, I countered! Talk to each other. PLEASE!!
When I was getting the RV ready to leave I selected about 25 musical CDS to play on our journey. We have played one CD so far, and that one not to completion. The reason for that is that we talk. We talk about our kids, our grandchildren, what we want to do when we get back home, future trips we may be thinking about. AND, we laugh. We can laugh at the most simple things and sometimes just get so silly that we cannot stop laughing!I can honestly say that we love being together and enjoy each others company. One of the main reason's for this is that we are still "in love" with each other. We still do things for each other that for many couples fall by the wayside after their marriage vows. Lee still opens the car door for me and opens store doors, and thinks nothing of it. We both wait on each other at home. If Lee cooks the meal, I cleanup, and vice verse. Probably, the caregiver in each of us helps, because we do "take care" of each other. I know instinctively if something is going on with Lee, and he with me. A day never passes that we don't tell each other "I love You!" Actually, many times every day this is spoken. It also does not hurt that "I am still the "clown," and I am still very "spontaneous!" If I feel like giving him a kiss I do it, he has NEVER pulled away. In fact he loves it! Believe me, I do not profess to know everything about marriage. However, I can share what has worked for us, and believe me over the years many people have asked me how they can achieve what Lee and I share. Many couples hunger for a good marriage and are searching for answers. This is my belief, and this is what I see.
I feel so blessed to have had so many wonderful experiences in my life. The military was difficult at times, but it provided us with so-o many beautiful places to visit. Our family lived in Germany for 4 years and visited so-o many countries, and enjoyed the customs and culture of each place we visited. Many special people have been in my life, people who believed in me and helped me to believe in myself. These people helped me immensely, some are gone now, but I will always treasure them.
I have found peace in my life, a peace I have searched for most of my life. It doesn't take much to make me happy now. Years ago I had a lot of anger and a very short fuse. With the assistance of a very learned and erudite psychologist in Maine I have worked through all of that "stuff." She has assisted me in maneuvering through the very dark chasms of my life. There were incidents in my life that I had never discussed with anyone, not even Lee, and I tell him everything. I feel very fortunate indeed to have found such an experienced individual to work with. We just seemed to click and I trust her implicitly. Believe me I did not trust many people at that time. I have a incredible life partner who has made me happier than I ever thought possible. We have 3 wonderful children whom we love and who love us. AND we have 4 beautiful grandchildren and anxiously awaiting a new one in January. I live for my family and love being involved with the grand kids and their projects. I want our grandchildren to know that they are loved and that they are very important to us. Sometimes I think we lose sight of what is important in life. Believe me it is not "accumulating things!" Our grandchildren have helped me to keep reassessing what is important and necessary in my life. When I look into the eyes of our 6 year old granddaughter I see a wonderful little girl who is happy and carefree, and who loves her family and extended family. She loves it when her cousins all get together at our house and has told me many times, "I love my family." Usually, I try to have some activities planned for the kids when they all come to the house. One of the things they absolutely love is making their own pizza. We have several different kinds of veggies, cheeses and pepperoni and they can just go at it any way they wish. Sometimes after every one has left except my daughter and her 2 little ones, I'll ask Olivia who is 6 , "what did you enjoy the most?" She will think and think, and then reply "I loved everything the best. "Children know what is important to them. They love it when Lee and I do anything with them. Sometimes we take them to Home Depot or Lowe's to get flowers and then we let them plant the flowers themselves. It is fun for us just to watch how enthusiastic they are. Sometimes I will get down on the floor with them, or play "hide and seek"." I can become very uninhibited with the "grand-kids." I sing and dance with them and even crawl through those "maze" like apparatus they have. As you can tell I am crazy about my grandchildren. They are a "gift" from God. Being a grandmother is a privilege. One that I take very seriously. They have changed my life in so many ways and I am eternally grateful to them. Now I know what is important in my life. We have a 2 yr. old grandson Ben who I call my "Velcro" child. Before we went away on our trip he called me "meemaw," when we returned he now calls me "g-maw." We are making progress folks!!
My wish for all of you is that you will find peace and happiness in your life. Pick your arguments, and try to find the good in people. For those of you who are married and somewhat disenchanted with your marriage. Remember what it was that initially attracted you to your husband or partner. Sometimes, the very attribute that you loved about your guy will be the exact same habit that "drives you crazy" now. Talk about it, tell your husband how you feel and what you like and do not like. It sounds tough, but believe me it is not. Just start talking . Make sure you have some quiet time without children and just devote it to each other. Rekindle those feelings and put romance in your life. Just because you are married doesn't mean that you can't have romance in your marriage. It is fun and essential to a good relationship.
Watch for my new blog.
Carol