I have delayed long enough to attempt to continue this trying period of our lives.
Our son was an excellent student, albeit difficult for him each time we moved to a different assignment. He was entering puberty and consequently was experiencing many changes, emotionally and physically. He was 6 ft. tall which was taller than most of his friends at that time. However, his emotions had not caught up with his height. At the age of 14 he started to leave the house at night to meet up with his friends who did not have a curfew. Lee and I were not aware of this however for quite a while. Actually, Remembering back, I think it was several months before we found out. The layout of the house was a split level, so that our son had his bedroom downstairs and the girls and Lee and I were on the second level. There was a door downstairs which made his exits very smooth without us hearing him leave. One night Lee went down to talk to our son about 10 PM, it was a school night so he should have been in his room. However, he was not in his room and we were incredulous. We started to check with the neighbors and after only a few minutes we found him. He was at one of the neighbors who had 2 teenage girls a few years older than our son. This particular house appeared to be a meeting place for several teenagers who were not really concerned with school, but rather they were engaged in other activities. One of these activities was smoking pot and staying up until all hours of the night. Up to this point we had never had any serious problems with our son. His grades however had started to slide and we were concerned about it and tried to talk to him about it. At that time he had also been tutoring other students, but his interest started to decline. He became distant and was no longer interested in family activities. He refused to keep his curfew and would tell me "I will not be here, so don't bother waiting for me." At this time it seemed like I was always alone to handle these problems. Lee worked a second job and therefore was absent a lot when significant events happened. I tried to talk to Lee about our son's problems, but he was in denial. He would tell me "you are always looking for something." It was around this time that a family member visited us and knew that our son was leaving the house at night. However, she chose not to inform us for reasons of her own. It was actually several years after these events before she informed us of her knowledge of his leaving the house and staying out all hours of the night. This was and remains for me a very painful disclosure. For me, there would have been no doubt that I would inform the parents of any inappropriate or harmful behavior. In fact, I have done that very thing on several different occasions to protect the child's welfare.
It was in the spring of 1975 the school called to say that our son had ingested 25 mg of Valium and was quite incapacitated. I immediately went to the school to bring our son home, and subsequently to the hospital. He had obtained the Valium from our medicine cabinet at home. Lee was at work when I called him and met me at the hospital. The physician who saw our son thought that it was an isolated incident and we should not worry about it. However, I persisted verbalizing my concern because I felt that we should be engaged in some sort of therapy with our son. The therapy was helpful to me. Lee and our son went through the motions to please me, I am assuming. Our son simply pulled the wool over the psychiatrists eyes. Actually, the psychiatrist told us that our son was just a normal teenager, and he would out grow this behavior. A few weeks later, after receiving phone calls all hours of the night, and unsavory characters coming to our home, it was evident that our son was selling drugs. I called the psychiatrist and asked him "is this what you consider normal teen age behavior?" He admitted that he had been "hood-winked!" Lee and I were devastated and did not know where to turn for help. We did continue with therapy for another year, but it really was not helpful. In order for therapy to help the participants have to want to be there. Lee and our son did not want to be there, they were only there physically. Remember, that this was 1975, and therapy was not something that most people wanted to participate in. You definitely did not want this information written on paper in your personal file.
I have struggled with recalling this time period of my life and the events which occurred. A curtain of sadness has been drawn over me as I relive this period of my life. It is actually much more difficult than I expected it to be. I will fill in the rest of the blanks soon , I promise.
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